Lean Into The Wind

A story to share:

As I scanned the horizon, my eyes focused on a sailboat gliding out of the bay. The boat cruised smoothly for a while, but then the wind changed direction. The mainsail flapped uselessly in the breeze and the boat slowed to a near halt. The boat's pilot turned the rudder and guided his craft back into the world. The sails coat the breeze and filled, and soon the vessel glided swiftly out of the harbor.

While I watched the sailor fight the wind, I thought of a parallel in my own life. I had been working through a situation that caused inner turmoil and suffering. I felt like the mainsail, flapping in the wind with no sense of direction. When my husband of twenty-two years was suddenly no longer a part of my life, feelings inadequacy and dozens of unanswerable questions filled my mind.

Then there was the adjustment of trying to balance a career, make ends meet, and still find the time to be a good mother to my two sons. It made for long workdays that left me tired and resentful. I longed for those happier, calmer days when I wasn't fighting the wind or battling my inner pain. Why had my world suddenly changed? Anger sapped my strength. In frustration, I lashed out at God. "Lord, take this hurt away. Why have these things happened to me?"

Nevertheless, the situation remained unchanged; my questions went unanswered. God seemed silent and unreachable. I kept racing around, fragmented and torn, never pausing to listen to the still, small voice of God within me.

However, after a period of time, a remarkable thing happened. Instead of mentally avoiding the problems in my life and blaming God, I decided to take a different approach. Perhaps what I assumed to be God's lack of concern was actually my lack of ability to listen to God. I learned to lean into the pain instead of avoiding or fighting it.

Like that sailboat slanting back into the wind, I deliberately decided to find joy in the midst of my circumstances. Instead of asking God to remove my problems, I prayed that He would stand by me throughtout the ordeal. Then I took the time to listen for His reply. I found time to spend in His Word each day in spite of my schedule.

Depending on His strength to guide me brought the peace that I'd been seeking. Although I was still a single parent, joggling finances, career, and teenagers, I no longer felt overwhelmed.