relief???

voiced out that i wan a break from work...and my boss tired to persuade me to stay and let me work even shorter hours...but i insisted that there's no productivity if i were to work for only a short period of hours...is wasting of resources....
finally she got the point...so i promised to be in the office for abt 2 more daes and give her time to find someone else....kinda relief now...not that i've more time to idle but i seriously seriouly need more time to study...my work kinda slacken...and i cant let that happen before itz too late to save the situation...
gotta get on wif my work now...
update soon....maybe tonite...

save the last dance 

SaVe De LasT dAnCe

finally been able to watch the vcd that i bought 2 mths back at HMV...and itz titled "save the last dance"...i really love to watch movies which emphasised on dancing...guess's wat i still love best...learnt ballet since young but i din got a chance to complete the whole coz something unpredictable at that time happened...learnt piano and ballet at the same time...so i would be occupied wif these activities in the weekends...like any other children my age would unless the parents would want them too...ballet haf alwiz been my first love...my first accomplishment was in grade 3 when i got distinction for my main exams wif the royal school of ballet...following grade 4 where i slacken a bit coz of studies and when i was abt to move on to grade 5 i gotta stop class..:((...that was the saddest moment of my life den...grade 5 was the time i could try on pointed shoes and do the tipped toe stuff and turning...like wat my seniors used to tell...was really lookin forward to that and all my dreams were shattered....
watching this movie haf actually revive my beautiful memories i had in the past...but i couldn't change the fact that i've lost it forever...i had alwiz had a passion for ballet...but my dad insisted that there was no future for dancing and so was my dreams...if i haf the chance again...i would really to take it up as a past time since i think my bones could break if i do a trun...haha...one consolation would be that i've acheive my grade 8 in piano so i think i didn't waste any effort put in in the past...
after watching the show not only did i relive my urge for ballet...i also learnt that to realised a dream is to have determination and that's the most important thing i need now...i seriously need lotz and lotz and lotz of strength now to put me through this period of work and study....i hope the road will be smoother for me...hope so.......................

openwater2 

openwater1 

OPEN WATER~!!!

watched open water yest and dun be fooled by the "catchy name"....u will juz be torturing urself in there...u will c sharks that dun really bite and dun really make u feel scary at all....the whole show u will feel that u r moving wif the waves but actually u r not..and u will juz c the 2 actors floating on the ocean wif few minor "shark attacks"...and dats abt it....and u will get dizzy after the whole show as if u were floatin on the water wif them...itz the 2nd wrong movie i ever watched since the last one...haf been down wif luck in work and now cant even haf good piece of movie to watch to ease my tension....argh~!!!....i guess this will be the last show i will ever want to choose again...

where am i?

hmmm.....how do i begin?...i actually told a lie and took half dae off work todae...haf been feelin really pissed since yest all the way till i woke up this morning...din even haf the feelin of goin to work...went down to taka to meet the guy which my fren recommend me to...he said to look out for part time jobs for me...hope really there is...haiz...if not im stuck there...no here manz~!!!...under paid and over worked....i seriously goin to tender my resignation no matter wat and now i gotta think of wat stupid excuse to say as an explanation for leaving....my boss really tot that i would like stay wif her for like the whole 2 years of my studies....oh please~!!!....i needa get out of here man~!!!...
now taking a break from my revision for my test tml....dunno wats gonna turn out...hopefully everything will turn out fine...i've like another 30hours to go before im out of that place and off to sch...think think think....think of a reason to leave....
now i really realised that i cant work alone....im best fitted in a big company...i dun mind the politics...where else wont haf...i'll juz pray very very very hard that i can get out of this s***!!!!...
guess i've vent enough of my anger....gotta get back to my studies now....
ciao~!!!

that's my couz 

WazZ liFe gottA Do wiF it""!!

today was a long and can i consider it as a stressful dae???!?!?...had 2 ad in the newspapers 2dae so the office phone was blasting wif calls the whole...wats more crazy is tt the office haf 5 lines and all the lines could juz ring all at one time...the job is getting more and more taxing man...really tired man....
next after work was down to bishan for piano lesson...the 2 rascal was much better this week...at least i could relax a bit there....teaching can be relaxing at times...due to reachin there late so i gotta pay back some mins to them and so i left the place like 15 mins later...
was meetin wendy for dinner so i took a cab and rush down to suntec for dinner....spent her dinner to celebrate for her bd inadvance....really to catch up and also a form of destressing measure to take...and dunno wat went into my mind..i actually bought a super expensive present for j...haiz...kinda regret it now....din noe wat went into me man~!!!....
and now im hm infront of the com penning down my thoughts for the day....sometimes i do wonder "wat do u live for everyday??"...do u live for yourself or ....?...sometimes it juz eats me up that im actually heading to nowhere and im feelin frustrated wif myself...ever since i started this job i begin to feel like 'so alone' kinda thing...the worst of all is im a person who juz hates to be alone....i hope or maybe i shld try to get adjusted to the new environment im in now....so do most things happen becoz of the outside world or we make it this way...
the time now is 1.02am and i cant get my eyes to rest...guess im gonna take my book out to study for the test on fri...
where am i goin to..................................................................~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Set Goals~!!

went hm after dinner and as usual on the tv to watch wat shows tts showing on the tv...and all the channels are on the national day rally speech...miraculously i watched thru the whole speech and indeed some values and main issues haf knocked into my head...think there's more to look into life for me...more than material things...setting the right goals keep flashing across my mind now...we've to look more into life den juz passing each day like that....there's no time to waste...
Wow~!!...this been a great speech that the PM emphasized and i guess i'll think thru my goals again....for now i think career is first on my list...hmmm...wat else...gotta think carefully...
for now...im getting ready for a week of stress again!

bad omen or WAT?!?!?!?!?

is this a joke or wat?..was juz overjoy over my new found job and now im crying over it man~!!!....(FIRST BAD THING): the whole dae was damn boring...boring boring boring...okie fine im complaining again..dats wat im good for...k it was relaxing but not a single soul in the office but is torturing for me u noe...i live a single without tokin..am really really lonely and bored...and wats more worst could be the com on my desk is like Win95?...diao""""....so slow and wats more no internet connection...there's oni 1 com w internet connection and it has to be logged on manually and logged off after used...wah piang...forgive me for using these sulfixes coz im really in great depression...i noe i shld try to look on the brighter side but dats how i feel on the first dae at work...and the weird thing is the whole dae i keep thinkin abt bdo man...keep thinkin abt my ex-colleagues..how we could keep each other company thru winpops and gossip...and now i landed myself in a whole pile of *&^%$#@.... i seriously hope things will change for the better or rather i should say i would change my perception for the better...lets hope so man....
(2ND BAD THING): i dunno i study not enough or mind was kidnapped...some stuff juz couldn't get into my head man...really pissed wif todae's test...im sure im not gonna do well...i gotta prepare early for my next test soon...itz next week...tot the test was oni an hr and i saw written on the board 1hr45mins...i was like...wat am i goin to do for the rest of the 45 mins...not to tok abt theory question...i crapped thru man...in mind i could visualise the ans's in which page but the info juz dun flow out and i've no choice to crap my own logic...think the marker's gonna faint on my paper...really dun look forward to this result...haiz...
i dunno wat this week's installed for me but i juz hope for the better....still haf 4 daes to go and tml stil haf to teach 2 rascals piano for 1 whole full hour...money's really hard to earn...
gotta go sleep now...finally the complain's over...

Be it HaPpy oR sAD

went for an interview todae at tanjong pagar...seems to haf an unseenable attachment to that place...all e interviews i've attend is ard dat area...aniwae...interview was at 11am...went ther wif a mood of "filling applications forms again" kinda attitude...but to my bewilderment...the lady asked me some questions and asked wat kinda job i was lookin for and i actually frankly told her that i wanted a part-time job and pls find me a job which is relaxing....and guess wat's next...she said "hmmm...okie...so do u want to work for me, like assist me in my work..ans calls arrange appointments for me?..." i stunned there w my eyes wide open...this is wat i call relaxing jobs...of course man i said...itz a one in a million chance i could ever get....therefore im goin to start work on mon and wats more its oni 10am-5pm~!!!....wat more can i ask for...she seems like a nice and sophisticated lady....hope i could work long enough to survive sch too....
and now gonna get ready for sch liaoz.....
will update soon....

teSt Test tEst and more TesT!!

woooo....juz woke up from ym beauty sleep...abt 3 hrs to my Co Law test and im still left wif 1 more chap the go....dunno y ultra vires juz cant get into my head...haik haik..~!!!....hmmm...tml's graduation ceremony...kinda dun haf the anxious feelin...y?....i dunno too...
k gonna get back to my books....

hmmm~~~~

Happy National Day~!...itz Singapore's burfdae todae....whole dae tired to finish up studyin the last 3 chap of my test but din managed to finish it...got distracted every now and den...haiz....so tiring man....tml's the last chance to put in my full effort to study coz this mid-sem test of part of my grades....
last nite slept a total of abt 5hrs....toked on the fone w gab for 3 hrs and 37 mins last nite...it was the best conversation ever...toked abt all kind of stuff (and i mean all kind`~!!!)....hmmp~~time and tide waits for no man...dun do things that u'll regret in the future....
im acting weird....wats goin on....i actually figured out that im actually suffering from insomia coz i seriously cant sleep at nite though feelin really tired...my eyes could juz stay wide open till the wee hours of the morning....i hope i can get over it soon...muz get rid of this sickness man....
kz now gotta get back to my books....

*&* 

StaY de SaMe...

as usual again cant sleep again...is this a syndrome...oh..nvm....juz wanna pen down some thoughts...am listening to some slow songs and typin this at the same time...
did a lot of walkin todae but for once i din even feel tired and my feet is perfectly fine...went to watch The Village wif gab...i insisted that i muz watch a movie 2dae and he suggested this show...i was prepared to even scream knowing that it was "supposely" to be a scary movie...almost an hr thru the show i was like wat the heck man...wats goin on man...dunno wats goin on there...itz a highly not recommended movie man....guess lotz of pple will be fooled to go watch it...
nvm abt the bad movie that started off but that din spoil our mood...went to walk ard orchard area and settled for a taiwanese restaurant at the basement of paragon....it was really nice man....the xiao long bao was superb...but a reminder for those who wants to go try...the serving is huge....aniwae after dinner we walked down to PS to haf desert...went to galare to haf ice-cream waffle...dat was awesome....enjoyed dat too....after that...we head down...hmm is walked (yes.,,,again) down to esplande....the walk was great...haven walk such long distance alreadi for a long time alreadi...(gee~~....feelin a bit hungry now man~!!>>)...and we spent abt an hr and a half there juz lookin at stars and chatting....it was really great...but i still prefer the walkin part...haha....den it was gettin late so gotta head hm....
and now am at my com penning down these thoughts...gonna sleep after finishing this.....
my eyes r wide open and my dad is sleeping...dun get to watch vcd till late sia...haiz....my stomach is growling now man....gotta so sleep den wont feel it too much....
Another fun-filled and fulfilling dae indeed...~!!....
(o^_^o)

nooo titLe

juz watched finish the 6th and 7th episode of the HK drama Angels of Mission on vcd with my dear daddy...though im tired but the feelin of watchin late tv wif my dad is somewhat i missed for a long time....but den again....am staring blankly at the computer screen....my eyes want to sleep but not my mind...wanted to do my work but im tired to lift a finger...(& i've energy to type)...muah hahaha....
kinda feel more tired and restless after leaving work....dats wat humans r good for....COMPLAIN....and not satisfied wif everything and i mean everything...juz last week i was happily packing my stuff from my workin desk and tellin pple im so happy tt i finally can rest...and wat happen...i actually end up goin out the whole week...there seem to be endless stuff to do....nothing seem to end....and i feel more tired den working....
dun wanna think anymore...gonna get up early and do my revision....and gonna spend national day studying too...hmmm...+_+.....*yawn*....gonna ZzzzzZ now...

time 2 PonDeR!

how do i describe my feelin's todae....itz a mixture of multi million thoughts and moods goin thru my mind...the first thing in the mornin when i open my eyes was feelin alrite...as in like any other ordinary daes...
so the schedule for the dae was to go take my passport photo and accompany my mum to jurong to check pianos...and guess wat...i was so eager to take my photo when i reach far east i realised the shop has closed down....really WAT THE~!!!...man....k den we had lunch and head down to jurong taking the north south line...and the stupid whole ride was like worst den travelling to m'sia...so loooooooooooog.....
den nvm...we were at IMM for like a few mins den we went back to take the shuttle bus to jurong mrt...since the travelling time alreadi took up so much of my time....i din haf time to go hm to change my shirt and had to meet Sam...and wat now...took the wrong side of the track and took abt 1 hr plus to reach dohby ghaut...and found sam and my dad waiting for my mum and me....muah ahahaha....
sam and me left and went to meet mingli at lavendar food sq for dinner...and after tt...hmmm dun think wanna tok abt wat we did after tt...something saddening....but left me feelin sad and alwiz remind myself to treasure everyone ard me...

Lean Into The Wind

A story to share:

As I scanned the horizon, my eyes focused on a sailboat gliding out of the bay. The boat cruised smoothly for a while, but then the wind changed direction. The mainsail flapped uselessly in the breeze and the boat slowed to a near halt. The boat's pilot turned the rudder and guided his craft back into the world. The sails coat the breeze and filled, and soon the vessel glided swiftly out of the harbor.

While I watched the sailor fight the wind, I thought of a parallel in my own life. I had been working through a situation that caused inner turmoil and suffering. I felt like the mainsail, flapping in the wind with no sense of direction. When my husband of twenty-two years was suddenly no longer a part of my life, feelings inadequacy and dozens of unanswerable questions filled my mind.

Then there was the adjustment of trying to balance a career, make ends meet, and still find the time to be a good mother to my two sons. It made for long workdays that left me tired and resentful. I longed for those happier, calmer days when I wasn't fighting the wind or battling my inner pain. Why had my world suddenly changed? Anger sapped my strength. In frustration, I lashed out at God. "Lord, take this hurt away. Why have these things happened to me?"

Nevertheless, the situation remained unchanged; my questions went unanswered. God seemed silent and unreachable. I kept racing around, fragmented and torn, never pausing to listen to the still, small voice of God within me.

However, after a period of time, a remarkable thing happened. Instead of mentally avoiding the problems in my life and blaming God, I decided to take a different approach. Perhaps what I assumed to be God's lack of concern was actually my lack of ability to listen to God. I learned to lean into the pain instead of avoiding or fighting it.

Like that sailboat slanting back into the wind, I deliberately decided to find joy in the midst of my circumstances. Instead of asking God to remove my problems, I prayed that He would stand by me throughtout the ordeal. Then I took the time to listen for His reply. I found time to spend in His Word each day in spite of my schedule.

Depending on His strength to guide me brought the peace that I'd been seeking. Although I was still a single parent, joggling finances, career, and teenagers, I no longer felt overwhelmed.